Fireflies
by fanoflost
Summary: “Kate, wait.” He spoke his voice ragged from all the pressure. He hadn’t expected it to be this hard, and he knew exactly what to say now, but he couldn’t get the words on his tongue. JackKate
1. Truth

_A/N: Hopefully you'll guys like it. Jate, as always. :) And, you know it's going to be all romantic, because A, I have had a really hard week, B, I seriously need to write some Jate fluff, and C, I'm listening to Mothersbaugh's Canon (a classical music piece from the movie The Royal Tennebaums), and it's making me feel all like 'I need to write something right now', because isn't that what classical music does to you?_

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Lost, though I do own the fireflies that helped to inspire me to write this. They're in a cool cup, with lots of grass and stuff to help them out.

**Fireflies  
**_Chapter 1_  
Truth 

"I hope this lasts forever, the Island does." Kate spoke, causing Jack to look up from sorting through an old suitcase. She really meant it too. Kate had no intentions of ever heading back to the real world; she knew it'd just be too hard to live without him, without the Island and all it's survivors. Secretly, locked away in her mysterious mind, she had wishes stored away, some new, some old, and this was one of them.

Jack paused for a minute, looking into her fierce green eyes, and knew that she has told him the truth. And that had meant a lot to him. It showed that she was letting go of her guarded mind, quietly and slowly, but it was a start. And what was really surprising was that he agreed with her, and this he said, ever so quietly, "Me too."

Both knew that it had been a moment there, though none wanted to speak and break the silence that shrouded it. Their eyes locked with intense passion, and as they moved closer, waiting for the first move from each other, a sound broke the barrier. As if waking from a dream, they both stepped back, and quickly looked around, to see if anyone noticed what they had been about to do.

Later that night, when the sun had set, sending the sky into many intricate blues woven in and out of each other, Kate had lain down upon the sand, letting the water glide over her feet. Her eyes traveled up over the stars, taking in each one as if it was a precious artifact from long ago, the moonlight shining down across her body.

Jack was packing up; ready to head back to the caves any minute now, when a familiar sight crossed his vision. He smiled, something rare with that man, and watched the woman that was so independent, so reliable, her chest moving up and down with each breath she took. Suddenly, his feet had a mind beyond his, and started to walk over, while his brain told him over and over again that this was a bad idea, that she wanted to be left alone for a reason. Yet, something with the way she looked also told him that Kate needed someone to be there for her.

Stopping right by her, he looked down, and found her eyes glassed over, her body in one world, her mind in the next. Her eyelids blinked every couple seconds, telling Jack she was still alive, but unavailable to him. But Jack didn't want that. He wanted Kate to be there, all of her. Feeling a bit guilty, he broke her from her world of peace, "Kate…?"

Kate shook her head, the grains of sand falling back on the ground, as she stared up at him. "Yeah?" Her voice was hoarse and gruff, telling Jack that she had forced up old memories, possibly ones that she didn't want to remember. Blinking back tears, she quickly wiped her eyes, and masked over her previous face, hoping Jack would think everything was okay with her. Even when it wasn't, even when her whole world was crashing down upon her, crushing her inside.

Jack didn't buy it. "…Are you okay?" He spoke with so much sincerity in his voice that Kate found it hard not to tell the truth. For once in her life, she was scared, honestly scared, and this was why. When Jack was around, she always felt that she had to tell all of her story to him, even if he didn't want to know. It was something about the way he spoke, the tone of his voice calming her, a calm she hadn't felt in years.

Kate bit down on her lip. Jack didn't need to worry over her, she was fine the way she was. "I-I'm fine." She managed to force out, giving him a small smile. He already had too much on his mind, and she was sure that he only considered her a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. And that's what really troubled her, before; she had always had her way with men, getting them to do the impossible. But with Jack, something was different. Somehow, he fought the charm, and now to get to him, she really had to work hard.

"…You're sure?" Jack wished that he could already know the answer to this, but he didn't. Her face was unreadable, as always, and she had once again closed herself off to him. He knew that after her secret had gotten out around the Island, she had put up even more barriers, more setbacks, and was harder to speak to, harder to catch at a good point. With Kate, something was always going on, it was whether she cared enough about you to let you know.

But this time, it was different. She had gotten herself so worked up, that she couldn't show her emotions; they were way past that point. She was winning the battle, but losing the war with herself, and it killed Jack to know that for once, he couldn't help out. The night that Sawyer spoke up about her, her previous life, she was the same way as right now, but the next day, she pretended nothing was wrong, and went on with life. That had really surprised Jack, and yet it worried him. Because if she got her mind to work that fast, there could be a whole lot more to this particular woman then he could ever imagine.

"Ye- No." She started to lie, to pretend, but her mind took over, and made her speak the truth once again. "Dammit, Jack, you always have to do this!" She sighed, and avoided his eyes.

"Do what?" Jack was confused. What had he ever done to her that bothered her? Was that he hung around her too much, asked too much of her, or maybe even said something was wrong.

"Do this." She threw her hands up in the air, as if she was tired of him, like when a little girl got tired with a particular doll, and wanted to give it away. "Somehow, you always manage to weave the truth out of me, even if you don't want it. And I hate that you can do that sometimes. Some things in my life are just meant to be kept away, where only I can know about them, but with you, I always have to tell you. Why do I do this, you ask me, why? Because it could be that I might just love you!" She spoke with such passion in her voice, and her green eyes blinked at what she just said.

Jack was stunned beyond belief. He had always sat around, waiting for this moment to come. He had everything planned out, every word known to him, but it would have been him who said this, not her. And now that this time had come, he couldn't speak, for his mind had gone blank, and his memory erased the past thoughts of this. "I… err…" His brain raced for words, but none were accessible.

Kate looked down, her face blushing red for the very first time. She hadn't meant to say that part, but somehow it came out as she poured the rest of her thoughts from the pitcher of her mind. "Jack… I didn't mean it like that…" She tried to fix it; she thought that he didn't love her back. She bit her lip down hard, "Wow, I'm really sorry. I-I seriously didn't mean to say that…"

"Kate…" Jack said, stepping closer to her. There was so much he wanted to say to her right now, the problem was trying to pick out what first to speak of. He didn't want her to pretend like this was all nothing tomorrow, because then Jack would know that he had lost his chance with her.

"I really, really have to go." Kate said, looking into his amber eyes one last time. "I'm sorry if I ever caused you trouble." She got up, the clumps of sand dropping from the many folds of her already too big shirt. She had lost some weight over the last past month, and Jack had constantly been bugging her to eat more at dinners. She had always replied with 'Look who's talking, Mr. Conservation.', which had made Jack smile inwardly then.

"Kate, wait." He spoke; his voice ragged from all the pressure. He hadn't expected it to be this hard, and he knew exactly what to say now, but he couldn't get the words on his tongue.

Kate turned around, her eyes shining with tears waiting to be let go in the confines of her tent. Wishing she could go back in time, so she wouldn't have to lose her best friend on the Island, her eyes locked on his, and she spoke with hollowness in her voice. "Nothing you say can make this go away, Jack. We both know this." Her voice tore away at the sentence, showing Jack that her mind was already working, already making it disappear.

A single firefly wavered overhead the couple, but no one noticed it.

**-LOST-**

_A/N: So, what'd you guys think of it? Lots of fluff, a little cliffanger there on the end.An update tonight, or tomorrow, depending on how it goes.Hopefully you guys will take to it. Please R&R!_


	2. Stand Up

_A/N: Sorry about the long time, no update thing. I was sick for two days of this week, went to a movie one night, and watched a rented video from the local store the other. Also went to the mall, something rare with me. Seriously, I hate it. The food court is the best thing in the whole place, well, save a couple select stores. Very few, mind you. Right now, I'm listening to an old cassette of mine, Tracy Chapman's Fast Car. If any of you like that song, then you have won some brownie points with me. :)_

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Lost, don't want to. JJ and Co already does a hell of a job, and I'm not one to ruin it.

**Fireflies  
**_Chapter 2_  
Stand Up 

Jack watched her back retreat into the dark depths of down the beach, her navy blue shirt blending in exactly with the night sky and the dark sea. The waves still lapped upon his feet, but they washed away the footprints that once had been Kate's, leaving lumps of sand as a reminder that this wasn't all a dream.

He sighed, running his fingers over his head, not really sure what to do next. How could he show her that he really did indeed love her?

The firefly flew away; it's light still blinking in the distance, mixing in with the starlit skies above.

The next morning, Jack woke up feeling refreshed, something he hadn't felt in a long time. He had a feeling that something big would happen today, but if it was bad or not, he didn't know, and he kept that in the back of his mind as he got up from the icy cold floor of the cave. Nothing looked different, and he hadn't expected it would, just a little observation he made every morning. It was just a routine, and he had one for everything.

Memories of last night flooded his mind as Jack walked outside, still stretching. His mood was lightened as he thought about it more, plunging into an instant replay; Kate had said she loved him. Or she had.

Sighing, he checked up on everyone awake, asking him or her how their night had been, and if they slept well. Jack knew that he hadn't gotten to sleep easily, but once it came, he was out. Receiving nothing but nods and words, he decided that he was going to go down to the beach to collect some firewood, and check up on things there.

Heading to the path, something caught his eye, and it made him smile, though a small one. Claire and Charlie were laughing, Aaron sitting in their laps, and gurgling along. They still had the beaming look on their faces, the one that all parents got when a child entered their lives. Jack only hoped it could last for them, and the smile faded as his thoughts rushed over to him and Kate, wishing the same thing for themselves.

Silently, he stole down the dirt road, his strides getting bigger with every minute he got closer to the sandy beach, the thing that still held some hope for the survivors that help could come, and they would be saved. Jack knew that some had lost it, but in their hearts, packed away somewhere forgotten, it still lay. Each morning they'd wake up, the person would look out to see and sigh when they saw no boats on the horizon, or hear a break in the sound barrier for some aircraft - passing overhead.

He bit his lip when he saw Kate's blanket fanned across the sand, but no body lay on it. Her backpack was gone, along with the old water bottle that leaked even more when she filled it up once again. A book lay open, its dog-eared pages swishing in the light breeze that also played across Jack's face, and as he bent over to close it, a familiar voice came from behind.

"Whatcha doin' here so early, doc? Thought you didn't make your rounds for another couple hours." A thick southern-accent couldn't even cover the harsh voice that it belonged to.

Jack shrugged, trying to keep his cool, as he stepped away from her blanket, and turned to Sawyer. "Guess I decided to come early. Got a problem with that?"

"Ya really shook her up last night, Jacko. Left here early this mornin', sayin' she was gonna go get some water for all us beach people. She didn't come back, obviously." As if trying to make a point, the man whipped his head around, looking for the woman.

"She hasn't come back yet?" Jack asked, concern filling his voice, "When did she leave?"

"I dunno. Early." The man smirked at him, "And I thought ya said time didn't matter here on the Island."

"Sawyer…" Jack said warningly, getting angry at every word the other man spoke, "Just drop your act for a minute, and tell me when the hell she left."

Sawyer laughed. "This ain't no theatre, jackass. I'm tellin' ya the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but the truth, so help me God." He joked around, jerking Jack's chain even more.

Jack shook his head, "Tell everyone I'll be back later." And with that, he started to walk away.

"I ain't no secretary, Jacko. You tell 'em!" Sawyer shouted after him, but the doctor didn't turn around.

**-LOST-**

_A/N: Sorry about the short chapter. Longer one, lots of fluff, next chapter. Well, and a bit of angst, but that goes without saying. ;)_


	3. No Other Way

_A/N: Hey all, trying to get all my stories updated, so I'm going to update this one first. Capture the Flag, I'm holding off one more day so I can put on the finishing touches. So, here's for all you Jaters out there._

**_I've decided that this is the prequel to Searching, so if you want to check out that story, you're welcome to. But this one explains how Kate and Jack got to how they were in the beginning of Searching. Sorry for all the confusion, if I caused any._**

**Disclaimer**: I think it's safe to say that I don't own Lost, nor ever will. But you know, there's always that small chance. Michael Jackson said he wanted the rights to all the Beatles songs, and look where he is now. The man probably doesn't even know what to do with them anymore, I'll bet.

**Fireflies**  
_Chapter 3  
_No Other Way 

Sawyer sighed, and called out, "Doc! Stop right there!"

The man paused very briefly, and turned around, just on the edge of the forest. "What now, Sawyer?" His voice held a harsh tone that Sawyer had never heard him use before.

"I wanna come with." He stated simply, grabbing a backpack and a water bottle, "'Sides, you could use the company."

"I don't want, nor need, your company." Jack shot back, and took a step into the forest, but what he heard next stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Jacko, it might not seem true to ya, but I care for her jus' as much as you do." Sawyer spoke sincerely, "I just have a different way of showin' it to her."

Jack's shoulders shook with anger, and he tried to leave, but he couldn't force himself to. "Sawyer, you'd better not dawdle. At all." He sighed. Jack knew this was the exact recipe for disaster, but when, and if, he found Kate, the doctor knew she wouldn't run away from Sawyer. She never had before, and Jack expected this time to be no different.

Sawyer's face lit up like a kid's would on Christmas morning, though the twinkle in his eye quickly disappeared. "Ready when you are, doc."

"Come on then," Jack took each stride with ease, his heart filled with relief. Though in a part of it, he couldn't drown out the feeling that this somehow wouldn't turn out the way he wanted it to.

"Doc, c'mon, let's take 5 minutes." Sawyer huffed behind Jack, trying to keep up.

"Sawyer, you signed up for this, and now you're going to get what you wanted." Jack shot back for the 5th time that day, "Now quit complaining."

"Jesus, jackass, jus' wanted to see if you wanted a break." The man managed to get out.

"Well, I don- Kate!" Jack's demanding tone was replaced with a soft one.

The woman looked up from the small fire she had built, "…What're you doing here?" She questioned, her eyes filled with hurt.

Jack couldn't bring himself to say anything in front of Sawyer; he knew the man would hold it over him for the rest of his life, "I-I… " He faltered quickly, staring at his feet.

"Jacko, you found her. Now go say it!" Sawyer urged, though his mind was screaming _'No! No! You want Kate, don't let him have her!'_

"Just go, Sawyer!" Jack nearly yelled at him, "I don't need _you _hanging around here anyway."

"No!" Kate intervened, "Anything you have to say, Sawyer can hear it too."

Jack stared at her, apparently at a loss for words still, "But…" He trailed off again.

"Kate, don't pick him. You have no life with that doctor, and we all know it. With me, you can have that life." Sawyer cut in, taking Jack's words straight out of his mouth.

The man turned and looked in horror at him, but soon that face turned to anger again, and Sawyer could tell his mind was working at light-speed what to say to counter against it.

"Kate-" He started, but got cut off by Sawyer once more.

"C'mon, Kate. Just say the words. I know you want me," Sawyer prodded at her mind more and more, making her armor weak and un-reliable.

"I love you, S-" She started, but Jack swiftly cut in.

"You know, I couldn't sleep last night." He swallowed, and both the man and woman turned in shock to him, "My blankets were too short, and the wind too swift."

"Jac-"

"No, let me finish!" Jack cried out, "Then you can do whatever the hell you please, but all I want is 3 more minutes of your time. That's all." He held up three fingers.

Kate merely nodded, and let the man finish, feeling that she had already made her decision, and that this whole 3 minutes was just going to be a waste of time.

"Do you have any idea what it's like, lying awake in the middle of the night, wondering what the man you love is doing right at that very moment in time? Is he sleeping, his arm covering his chocolate brown eyes that hold everything you possibly ever wanted? Or is he awake, looking out over the ocean, waiting for that one boat to come and whisk him off again?"

Kate shook her head, though in her heart she knew she was lying.

"That's what it was like for me last night. I swear, have you ever noticed that in your anger and fear, you're placing the person you love in a much worse place then you could ever imagine? Last night, Kate, you said you loved me. Were you really telling the truth?"

"I was!" She screamed out, not able to take it anymore. I was. Everything last night, everything was true. But, Jack, after what you did to me, I don't think I could ever take you back! Ever!"

"Then why run, Kate? Why did you go and hide from me? You could've told me the truth straight up, but no, you placed me in the same position you were in last night!"

"Because I wanted you to see how much pain I was in, Jack. To get a taste of your own vile medicine! Now just… just go." She sobbed out, burying her face in her hands.

"Kate…." He said softly, stooping by her, "Kate, listen…"

"Doc, you heard the lady. Let's get you on your way…" Sawyer jerked the man back up gleefully, and started to push him out of the clearing.

"Kate, I love you!" Jack yelled out in anguish, seizing his only chance, "I always have, and I always will."

"She said go, jackass!" Sawyer answered for his lady, shoving the doctor out of the clearing.

Kate looked up just in time to see Jack let go of the tree trunk he was holding, and walk off miserably. But Kate didn't feel the happiness she was supposed to feel, the relief that she had finally picked the right man. Instead a pang of guilt shot through her heart, and she even more alone then she had even been before.

But Sawyer eyed her happily, glad she had made the decision correctly. "Ya made a good choice, leavin' him, Freckles." His tone of voice couldn't be anymore content.

"You really think so?" She asked smally, her eyes still lingered on the spot where Kate had last saw Jack.

"'Course," and with that, his lips captured hers in a fiery kiss, one that was supposed to be passionate. But Kate couldn't help it, and she pulled away quickly.

"Sawyer, not so fast…" She laid a finger on his soft lips, "Not so fast…"

Later that day, when night had fallen, and the stars were just beginning to peek out under the cover of navy blue sky, Jack slowly made his way back to the caves. Just having made his rounds, the man felt extremely tired already, but the week's events had had worn him down even more, and by the time he was supposed to be back at the caves, he had just started the long and slow walk.

Not looking ahead, he felt another body collide with his, and a small "Umph!" could tell him that he had knocked the person to the ground.

"I'm sorry-" He said quickly, lending a hand to the woman on the ground.

But Jack tapered off as he looked down at the full head of brown curls, and the jade green eyes that bore into his.

"-Kate…" He stated, his voice almost inaudible.

Both sat there for the longest time, not speaking a word to each other. But Kate wasn't the first to swallow her pride and speak up, "…Jack?" She breathed.

The man looked at her, and she could instantly tell that he had let down all barriers. Jack was willing to do anything for her, even take a bullet if push came to shove. And that was what she truly loved about Jack Shepard. He was always there for anyone, even if he was hurting inside himself. This fact proved to be true, as he dusted himself off, and plastered that fake half-smile on, the one that all doctors had, and spoke, "I was just coming back from the beach… Sorry about that." He bit his lip and looked at his feet.

"Jack, it's me who should be sorry…" Kate tried to speak, but she found that her usually fast mind came up with nothing to talk of.

Jack shook his head, "No… I should of known you'd pick him over me. I mean, who am I kidding, bad guys always get the girls." His voice broke over this last sentence, but his amber eyes would break contact with hers.

Kate could see his eyes try to blink back tears, and instantly her first action was to go over, and try to make it better. But there was nothing Kate could do this time, so she held back.

"Jack, that's why I came to find yo-"

"Save it for Sawyer, Kate." Jack shot back, his anger getting the best of him, "You chose Sawyer." Turning away, he went back to staring at the ground, his interest apparently liking a leaf. Quietly, she could hear him count to 5.

Kate swallowed, "I didn't choose Sawyer." She sat a hand on his shoulder, and her hand could feel him shiver at her touch, "Jack, I chose you."

And both suddenly got the impulse to look up. And as they did, they gasped at what they saw. A sea of fireflies had surrounded them overhead, and a small whirr of a plane engine could be heard in the distance.

_**A/N: This storyis the prequel to Searching, I have decided, and so that deems Searching the sequel to this. **Um, thanks for all the reviews, theyare really great, and expect some more Jate-ness stuff coming up in this. It'll explain how Kate and Jack got to how they were in the beginning of Searching, which should be really cool. Hopefully an update soon, and I promise it asap._


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